Shrink

(December 1992)

by David B. Rhaesa

My shrink says that my mind is like A Ferrari engine In a Volkswagon chassis, A Ferrari engine In a Volkswagon chassis – What a metaphor, I thought. My shrink often talks in car metaphors. But I thought to myself when he said The part about that Volkswagon That if it was a VW van I think I’d like to keep it the way it is. I didn’t tell him this of course Because he might think I’m a little crazy – But I’ve always had this thing about VW vans. I was into them even before I’d heard The word Fahrvergnügen. But the thing is I’m an idiot when it comes To automotive repairs. I don’t even know how to fix the fuse On my left blinker that hasn’t worked Since the day I got my car back from Jim’s Autobody after $1200 worth of Repairs for running into Jennifer’s Driveway curb. I remember thinking all the times I’d driven under the influence of Controlled substances and never hit Anything Driving through LA rush hour traffic Trying to catch a plane After a New Year’s party with Every hallucinogen known to man Woman or beast And never hit anything. And now that I’m straight as an Arrow I run into Jennifer’s curb. But I digress I’ve read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance Several times And intellectually I understand The importance of auto repair To a balanced, healthy life But my technophobia takes Over and I just avoid Left turns and hope that My friend – A woman who knows about Cars and lots of other Mechanical stuff – Will help me out with it. I don’t like to admit that I’m helpless, but I really Don’t get the auto repair stuff. Numerous people upon hearing My fantasy about the VW Van Have looked at me like I was crazy And said you really have to know How to do your own auto repair. BUT If I had a VW Van with a Ferrari engine It might work And the fuses on the left blinker Would be from a Ferrari too So they’d work And I could drive around In my White VW Van Just like Andrea’s at Heritage Or Kimberly’s who I met once Or the two that used to sit Side by side along the highway With one for sale sign And an unreasonably Cheap price tag On the road to Lincoln Nebraska. But I didn’t tell my shrink That I liked the idea of the VW chassis. I didn’t think he’d understand. He’s a nice man But he’s a little divorced from The real world. We were talking about music One day And he asked me my favorite album I said Dylan, “Blood on the Tracks.” He said “Who’s Dylan?” I remember thinking that maybe We needed to switch places. I mean this guy thought the Best guitar player of all time Was some classical Spanish guy And I doubt he’d ever heard Of Robert Johnson Or Jimi Hendrix Or Jimmy Page So how could he possibly understand That some people might prefer a VW Van to a Ferrari? The thing you’ve got to know about Shrinks is that you really have to be Careful how much you tell them. They really think they’ve heard it all But I’d guess my shrink ? like most shrinks – Thinks that all flies Look alike. “Flies, Oh they all look alike,” he’d say. But we know that’s not true. For example Eye color Have you ever noticed how many Different colored eyes Flies have? I have. And I wasn’t on drugs. There are flies with fluorescent green eyes Flies with blood red eyes Flies with black eyes And blue eyes. In fact fly eye color is far more Diverse than human eye color. So don’t believe the shrinks When they say that all flies Look alike. And if you watch a fly real closely Don’t swat it away Just watch it intently And don’t send any Threatening thoughts its way You’ll find that flies Are fascinating creatures. Now I must admit And please don’t tell the Doctor That I have on occasions Talked to flies. Not nearly as often As I’ve talked to Crickets. But on occasion I’ve talked to them. Now I couldn’t say it was A conversation But I did get the feeling That the fly understood That I wasn’t going to kill it That I believe that Every fly has A right to life But I can’t be sure it was a Conversation because The flies don’t talk back Like the crickets do. But – they do rub their back legs Together and flutter their wings In something that appears to be Orgasmic activity. The crickets talk back But they’re pretty shy About their orgasms. But crickets have A right to life too. So, I hope you’ll join me In starting a movement for Nonviolence against Flies and crickets And all other creatures. And we’ll all get together In a VW Van With a Ferrari engine And we’ll drive over to My shrink’s house And we’ll put Dylan In the tape deck And introduce him To reality. We’ll play Ballad of a Thin Man And let the Shrink play The part And walk around the Van While we mumble Along with Dylan “Something’s happening here and you don’t know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones.” And the crickets will chrip Along with the lyrics And their voices are A little better than Dylan’s And the flies with their Many colored eyes will Fly around happy that Fly-swatters were banned During the old revolution.