I remember the day just like it happened yesterday. I was 16 years old, it was September, 1970 and David came to my door. There was a car full of people in driveway. He wanted to know if I knew where he could score. I stepped out on the porch and reminded him that I did not and what was he doing bringing these rednecks in a SS 396 to my house. Especially with those girls from Vashti. (If you know who she was, and what Vashti was, you win the prize!). Then it happened. I looked into the back seat and there was this funky hippie chick with brown eyes that were so deep I could see clear to the heart of god. When our eyes locked it was like about a million bits of information transferred between us and I knew. I mean I knew this was the girl that I had been destined to meet before I was born. I caught her name, Jan. Then I returned to my room.

For the rest of the afternoon I played Buffalo Springfield, Kind Woman about 45 times over and over. I was wide awake, but saw this dream so clearly. It was like Jan and I were chasing each other through all time and space, but for some reason, each lifetime one of us, or both of us, screwed it up. I was determined that this time, we would not fail. It is impossible for me to put in words how I knew all this, but I knew it with my heart and soul more so than any theory that can be proved. Jan and I were more fact than any science or arthimetic. I didn't believe in reincarnation till that moment, but I knew that God had assigned the two of us the task of learning to give to each other.

We began a romance and the first date, and best, was my 16th birthday party in Paradise Park. There was a cake and I wore my cowboy shirt and boots. The cake even had a star in it. And I got laid for the first time under the Georgia Pines. I was flying so high that night. But, you know this was not going to work.

To make a long story short, I figured out that we were headed two different ways. I found out my number for the lottery was not going to have me killed in Viet Nam after all. So, I decided I wanted to go to college after all and the lifestyle seemed a little to dangerous to keep up. She was 16 and wanted a baby to "play" with. So about two months later, she ran off to Atlanta. A few months after that, I learned she was pregnant. (I never did find out that baby's birthday. I guess I am scared to know too.)

And if I said that time has taught me that all that idea of she and I being meant for each other and reincarnation and all was just a childish fantasy, then I'd be lying. Cause it was all true. And there is still a huge black hole at the bottom of my soul where Jan was supposed to go. Not that I would want to be somewhere else, cause, I was not going to go down a dark road like she chose. She made the wrong choice this life. Maybe next life, we'll get it right.

Anyway, Melanie, if he makes the wrong choice, well, that's his problem eventually. Love lives inside sorrow as well as happiness. It will not be quenched. Let it flow, let it cry, and let it grow. Tears feed the seed.